With the beginning of a new year there always seems to be this unseen subtle peer pressure to anounce some sort of new years resolution or change. I dont know why or understand the reasoning behind this.

New years resolutions always undoubtedly fill pages of magazines and newspapers with ideas and suggestions on how to change or improve your current habits or lifestyle. What for? lol… Are we all too fat, ugly, lacking in cleavage and washboard tummys hahaha…are we all lazy, unfit and just have no life and friends? Maybe we are just far too gullible and buy into all this mumbo jumbo called propaganda! Yes! Thats what it is, well thats what I was taught at school (Business Economics to be exact). Propoganda is a tool or strategy in advertising to lure potential customers to buy more and to spread the rumour around. Basically its to make more money!
So no, you are not too fat and lazy with no life or friends, just in debt after spending your allocated budget for your savings fund on your Gym contract! Cos the only thing that gets thinner is your wallet or purse.

Now why would I talk about changes then if I am totally against resolutions and propaganda you ask? Well maybe because of all this talk about new age and the end of the world. I have had my share of transformation and enlightenment and maybe I could say I am still evolving. My road does look very long and difficult but I have only begun and well, I have not much else to do with my time except contemplate my navel. No one really cares what you do these days unless you opinion conflicts with theres and they feel the necessity to convert you. Because they are right and so were there parents and there parents and blah blah blah…

If everyone concentrated on there own life and issues then we would have so much less problems. I can allocate so much more time to sort my own day out if I did not think or worry about Joe Blobs mom whose sister married that guy from the wrong side of the tracks and is now doing you know what and had to go somewhere to do something! shooo …I am exhausted just saying that, but you get my point.
I think my bit of propogande for this year that I would love to share is “Mind Your Own Business!” “keep your nose in your own problems”, “Look at your self before looking at others!”

Somehow I find this new change fantastic and I feel so much lighter already!
P.S. I dont care what so and so wore to the mall last week!


New Beginnings

New Beginnings

I BANGED into someone’s car today. Note the caps there because that’s what I heard. It wasn’t that bad but the sound was enough to wake up all my senses and come back to reality. I had reversed into a car behind me, very slowly but in the moment where the sound seemed to echo forever and the sound of my heart sounded like trumpets in my ears. The Divine Source of all aka ‘GOD’ wanted to get my attention well he did.


My husband and I are one of the many statistics today caused from the lack of equality and the never-ending economic instabilities of the world. There is a very thin line that separates wealth distinction these days. Before you would have a middle class, but I see a trend forming where you are either rich or you are poor. Well my husband and I have started referring to ourselves to poor, poor financially. We have battled unemployment now for 2 years. Have we let it get the better of us, well, not yet as we have managed to survive this long. Lucky for us we have a very loving and supporting family to help us out, but what about the others?


Well, this is more about our story I would say, but maybe others experiencing this could also relate. We could blame a lot of things; apartheid is a favourite in South Africa and yes, as a white I could blame it, as it is affecting us as well. There is no longer a separation in race in South Africa with regards to the effects of Apartheid. As a white it has messed up my life as well, hard to believe for some but it has. But that’s not my excuse, I don’t have one to declare and I don’t want an excuse either. What I do want is to share how this is affecting me. This could relate to anyone today battling financially, white, pink, purple, black, green whatever you are.

Do I sit back and admit defeat? No, because its not in my nature to do that. I was born a fighter and will die one. But lately I have let the world bring me down to a place I really do not like. My heart breaks to think that if I feel this way how does another feel who has less than me, one who does not even have the comfort of a loved one to help them pull through. For someone to pull through this solely on their own needs a reward for being so strong. I battle with the thought of not being able to provide my children with basic needs like medical cover or school equipment. Seeing them disheartened when I cannot offer them more than a sandwich for lunch. Saying, ‘Yes, it’s peanut butter again!’ But the point is even though I can provide more than most other parents can, my pain is no different to yours. Compassion is the keyword here for all. It does not matter what financial status or race, creed religion you are we all feel pain the same way. Today I would ask everyone to start showing more compassion to your neighbour, be a bit more understanding even if you think they have the upper hand. It does not matter how much more or less you or they have. Unity starts at soul level, lets start being more accommodating of each other and help each other more. What you give out so you shall receive. Make sure what you give out is all good and filled with the love of God and peace. Ten fold shall return to you in many ways.


So why is this “Bang!’ so relevant? Well, it’s a wake up call for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and do what I need to move forward. So what if I have to step backwards or take a few steps down the ladder? If that’s what I need to move forward in life again then I am willing to take the challenge. Too many people are too proud to say they need help or are willing to lower their standards to a job that they find below them, but pride can get the better of you. I will not let that happen to me. Many people play the racial and religious game and I don’t buy it. This has been advertised and sold for too many willing zombiefied people. I believe ‘Survival of the fittest!’. Today I will survive, I will move forward to my new beginnings. And so too must everyone else, embrace your challenge, don’t give up and keep moving forward. The moment you sit back and blame another for your mistakes and inadequacies is the day you give up on yourself. Be proud of who you are and go forth into the unknown and conquer your world, not another’s, they are on there own journey. While you are complaining and angered by another’s fortune you waste your precious time and energy when you could be building your own future. Let us change things now and end this cycle and create a new beginning, a beginning that brings light, love and compassion and most of all peace. Peace that resonates not only in our world and country but the peace that we carry within our hearts and souls.

Go forth and conquer your dreams and don’t accept defeat! That my dear is for the faint hearted and weak of mind.

When you wake up in the morning you have two choices... go back to sleep and dream your dreams or wake up & chase those dreams

P.S. This was written last year and since then life is looking a lot better for us. Even though we are starting again at the bottom of the food chain…lol…we have a steady small income and employment. It’s not a lot but we make do and even though we might not be blessed richly financially we are lucky to be blessed with gratitude, love, hope, family, friendship, and inner peace.



I have not written in a while, life just got in the way of my planning and threw me off the cliff! Lucky for me, there was someone to catch my family and I. We spend so much of our time planning our lives that we forget to live them. So much time is wasted on watching others and talking of others that we forget to live our own lives. So many people are busy on social networks, watching TV or sitting watching sports ect. I have nothing against these things except that most people do not understand the concept of balance.


Life happens when you are busy and before you realize it so much has happened and passed you by. How else can we live our lives without planning anything? Do you think I am crazy for not wanting to plan for anything. But for my family and myself it has been a very difficult journey and lesson. So much of energy was spent on planning for the future that we forgot or did not really see what was happening before our eyes. I do know better now thank you to past events, that no matter how much you plan the man above or the divine source has something else planned for us. Living day to day might sound crazy but it has taught my some fundamental rules of life.

1) Life is for those who love life
2) Survival of the fittest
3) If it doesn’t kill you , it makes you stronger!

And so my life has turned out that way, maybe for the better. I will spare you the details but the outcome is the important part here.


Living day to day does not mean you must live carelessly and not worry about finances and health. This is something worth concentrating on but don’t stress yourself about it. Although we live in a physical world and need certain physical things to maintain us, this is not what is of most importance. If there is one thing in this life I would like my children to know is; You can live your life without money/wealth but you cannot live without love.

This is so important, having love for oneself and your family and friends can get you through anything. Having trust and faith in God or the Divine source above and within yourself can carry you through your darkest hour. To me, the darkness has a new meaning or symbol for me, this is a good meaning. The dark would frighten me and I would worry about finding my way as I could see nothing. Experience has taught me now that being lost in the dark is the best thing to happen to anyone, because when you are in the dark it is easier to see the light! The light that leads you to where you need to be. For so many we wander around in the daylight thinking we are safe, we cushion our lives and avoid taking risks. We go around the rough edges and avoid conflict. God would never put you in any situation that he didn’t think you could handle. You are stronger than you think you are and by avoiding certain paths in your life you stop your soul from growing and learning. Even though the lessons we learn in life can be tough, as souls on a journey, we have chosen this path for a reason. Our higher selves have chosen this path long before we are born to this world. Don’t avoid the rough edges in life, take the leap of faith and experience life. If you fall, just get up and try again. Life is for you and its taking no prisoners!


Politics and Religion


Growing up one of the topics my mom told me never to talk about was politics and religion. The funny thing is these are my favourite topics to talk about.

Politics and religion not only unifies people but it also segregates us.


Religion has always had a way of bringing people together and creating communities. The idea of same thought based feelings and rules seems very logical to most. For a long time man lived happily together with one another even though some believed in other religions. The idea of believing in God and the principles and morals set out by religion made peaceful loving communities. But then politics reared its ugly head and ruined everything. Some might disagree but I don’t really care too much what they think. With politics came the idea that someone or some group had to be superior and control the masses. Why they think they had to be superior I don’t know. But this is why I find this topic so fascinating. It ties up with all my other blogs about the ego and how it can affect us. Politics is the invention from the ego. The egos way of trying to justify itself regarding its wants and needs for power and greed. Why the general public cannot live happily as they once did fascinates me. There were no starving or homeless people. But since the invention and creation of politics we suddenly have homeless and starving people. And the power and greed doesn’t just end at their doorstep, no not at all. Why have one country when you can have another? And so war started. Is religion really the excuse for war? I don’t think so. People lived rather happily with one another before a president was elected. Now suddenly religion is blamed for war. Really? War uses religion to hide behind. It creates a mask for those in power to hide behind and to use our difference to explain and rationalize their reasons for wanting more. How one individual can influence a whole nation fascinate me? Are we not more than just silly puppets following the masses? We were born with our own minds.


In the past I used to think that religion was a way of separating us. Yes, to some degree it does. But what it does, is give communities a sense of belonging and meaning to life. It sets us some ground rules for living and morals. I find it very ironic when a politician uses religion to back up his reason for domination. Everything about politics goes against the good morals and rules that religion gives us. I know it sounds like I am bashing politicians but I have yet to see one with real mindful good intentions that are followed through. Most of the time they are just full of hot air and big words. Politics creates a group of people that were once joined by common beliefs and religion and segregates them even more into smaller groups. Our world has been divided so much that we have lost our common thread that brought us peace and harmony.


I have no issues with different religions and spiritual preferences. The common thread is the belief of God and living life peacefully is the same in all communities. If we could all see past our ego based thoughts and those in power that feed those thoughts, then we are not far from peace. If all people could see that those in power dominate us through fear then we can move beyond this sess pool of hatred and war. Politics is all fear based that which the ego loves to live on and gain more power and energy. This energy draining power gets stronger each day as more and more of us live in fear. Fear created by war, famine and disease. And at the center of all of this is politics. One or two people in power creating thought based fears and separating once peaceful communities into sad and lonely places riddled with war and famine. The excuse of religion and the difference between each other is always the main focus and suddenly the fear of ones neighbor is now the problem. It is not!


I have no time for politicians at all. I find them the most ego based and most low vibrational beings around. This sounds harsh but someone has to say it. How else can I make reality more real? How else can I make communities come together without being truthful and honest? For how long will you live in fear of your neighbour? Can you really justify your fear? The fear created by mass media and politics. Fear has separated you and put you in a box with a label on. I will not be put in a box with a label. If one asks my religion, I say, “I Believe”, if they ask my political views, I will say, “ Peace and harmony”. The moment you decide to be labeled and put in a specific box is the moment you separate yourself from your community. This is when you decided that fear will rule you and dictate how you live, where you live and how. This is not what God intended for you. Peace does not mean segregation, it does not mean war or famine and it certainly does not mean you are better than your neighbour.





In fear I live my days

Wanting more and needing more

The emptiness gets bigger the more I need

The more I need the less I have

The more fear I gain the less love I have

When will it end and when will I breathe?


When fear rules no more

I will want less and need less

The emptiness will be gone

Gratitude will fill my life

And love will fill the space where fear once lived

And the breathe of life will fill my heart…



That feel good pill…


From very young I have always questioned the universe, about the simple things in life. I am sure you have also have had moments when you asked why? Science and biology always seem to have answered most questions in the past and with technology today the sky is the limit. But that’s about it! The sky is the limit! What about beyond that? Beyond what you cannot see or even begin to imagine. Science thinks it has the answers but I do not think so.


The main reason I decided to learn natural and holistic healing was because of the limit that science and technology has. And the reason I believe this is because they have no explanation for the unseen or unheard. Does this sound silly to you? Well for me it does not. For the past 20 years I have battled along with strange and maybe not deadly health issues but more uncomfortable and draining issues. I have tried so many doctors, specialists and had so many kinds of tests. What I have learnt from this can make me a medical practitioner. It’s easy, because 99% of all illnesses doctors diagnose are either stress or depression related. And they absolutely love anti depressants and any form of anxiety and depression medication. I wonder if they can solve hunger, poverty and war with anti depressants? I think they are trying to because so many people are on them. We live in a society that no longer wants to feel any form of emotion or pain. We want to be devoid of any “stressful” emotion and just be… “Happy”! We don’t want to worry about the millions of starving people in Africa, the raping and murdering of woman and children daily, the extinction of animals and the ever increasing threat to our crashing environment, all brought on by people themselves. Our quest for “Happiness” and that feel good factor has become so ego based that we have forgotten what is important. The only explanation that I can seem to come up with is that we are one with the earth and our universe.


We all have that one friend who loves to phone and talk and talk only about their problems. They never seem to ask how you are because it’s always about them. Somehow you feel extremely drained and tired after this. Almost like your energy is drained! Well this is what I am talking about. Our planet our home, mother earth is in trouble. The animals are slowly dying, our trees are being destroyed, the water polluted, our planet is in danger and in pain. And so are we. We are all one with the nature and one with the universe. The fatigue and pain we feel is the pain our planet and universe is feeling. We are all one. Will this go away by taking a pill and ignoring it or by embracing it and doing something real.


Our constant battle to avoid the real issues is all in vain. The more we try to subdue our subconscious mind with technology and medication the worse things seems to get. Life is like a vicious cycle that keeps repeating the same problems and yet we are so numb and void of any emotional attachments that we don’t see the real problem. I don’t know when we as human’s beings decided not feel anymore. At what point was the decision made to take our emotions out of the equation? In most instances there is always the common denominator of power and money hunger. But soon the limited instant gratification of this power will diminish and those in power will no longer get their instant fix they so longingly are looking for. Technology and science can only provide what the physical body requires and then leaves the other emotional, spiritual and etheric body crying with hunger. The human physical body only takes up 10% of you and yet it makes the body feel intoxicated with all the wants and needs that it requires. Unbeknown to most people their egos can take up so much of their time in their life that when it comes to their last hour they suddenly realize what life is all about. That 90% of you that has been looking and longing for much more than what the physical body needs. This longing for something manifests into the physical body. It is here that you suddenly feel drained and exhausted. Strange unexplained bodily pains and aches. When the spiritual body cannot find what it needs it finds a way to tell you. Using your physical body as a sign that something is missing.


Although it has taken me many years to realize that my chronic pain and fatigue has been all but in the metaphysical realm, subconsciously I knew. As human beings we try hard to ignore the obvious, because in our society today such issues are frowned upon. Why would old and ancient wisdom help us when we have strived so hard for centuries to perfect science and technology? With all these advancements how possibly could simple household remedies cure us? It does seem so ironic. And as we try and grappled at the irony of whole thing we still sit with the same problems along with the side effects of our technology and fast paced lifestyles. But at some point we will realize that there is more to life than life itself. The ego will eventually tire out and exhaust us and we will realize what is important in life but until then we will struggle along and learn from our desirable mistakes.


Loosen the shackles and embrace life as it is…


Open your eyes dear one

The curtain is yet not open

Why you only want 1% of life is a mystery

Open the curtain to see more

Life is also the unseen

Until you see the rest

You will not rest…



Have you ever had an argument with your spouse? We all have, but have you been so angry the whole neighborhood could hear your argument. Well, today was my day for this. I have two children, work and run a household and lets just say that life does get pretty hectic most days. I hear this all the time, “You can fight, but just not in front of the children!”. Umm…ok hubby next week I am free can we have our argument then? I have an opening at about 3pm.



Oh please people, don’t be so righteous all the time! We all have our fights sometimes, and I am not talking about abusive relationships here at all. I am talking about people with healthy relationships. But maybe this is why they are healthy to begin with. If you never release pent up anger and frustration it just sits and matures into something bad, and then you end up in a divorce court wondering what happened? Where did the love and passion go? Maybe I am lucky to have foreign blood flowing through me. Italians, Portuguese and Spanish people have no problem showing their emotions. Its called Passion, it is what makes them so appealing to others. The freedom to feel and express themselves, it is really a true art form that many a nation have yet to learn, or maybe try to learn. But how do you get it? If you can, not sure you can just learn to express yourself. I believe its comes from your family. Everyone has a particular way of bringing up his or her children. Families have their own traditions but this is more than just a simple tradition. This is a learnt behavior. Being able to express yourself is not just a cultural aspect of oneself but more a psychological and physiological part of you. Learnt behavioral patterns can influence your whole life. If you are unable to truly express yourself and your emotions you battle later in your life. Relationships are based on the emotional IQ of a person and those who are unable to express their emotions battle to maintain truly loving and lasting relationships. This ability to express your feelings is so crucial to a loving marriage and friendship. If you partner is unable to understand you or know how you feel you create a barrier.




I am not a professional in psychology so my advice on how to learn to express yourself might not give you the outcome you are expecting. My point though I am trying to get out there is, don’t hide your disagreements from everyone. It’s ok to feel angry, sad, annoyed and frustrated sometimes. It’s ok to hug and give your partner a big kiss in public or around children. The important thing is to show your children and family that even though you have disagreements sometimes and you get angry with each, you still love one another. You show your children how to say sorry, how to forgive and forget. These are such important life skills for young children to learn. Show them that it’s ok to have feelings and how to express them. Having a healthy emotional IQ is fantastic. My marriage might not be “The Perfect” one but it is perfect for me. I don’t go to sleep with anything unspoken; and most of all I always say, ‘I Love You!’.


Sins of my Forefathers


Of lately I have battled with one of the egos worst of traits’, judging and separating myself from other beings. My ego would look externally for reasons to dislike someone, something that I am not very happy to be proud of. And what might you say has brought this emotion and thought to the surface? I have never been one to watch or read the news, and did this not so that I might remain ignorant but because I wished that my mind and soul would not be overturned by emotions that my ego mind would instill in me. But it is very difficult to do such a thing.


Social media makes it very hard for one to ignore the plight of others and in order to understand them better I bemuse myself by reading their links on FB or Twitter. I have an enormous amount of sadness when I read the news. South Africans are coming up for elections soon and so the most treacherous of stories rear there ugly heads and play with our minds. The media has a way of making the best of friend’s enemies. And when I wonder why this is so, I think about how every being lives in the sinful shadow that their forefathers had created. Even though we might have never played a part of their creation or wanted to be a part of it we still suffer in silence. We are segregated into groups of those who wish to move forward in peace, those who live everyday to pay for the sins and those who never have any intention at all to change. I like to think of myself as one who wishes to move forward, but everyday is a struggle to ignore my ego. I am living the life created by my forefathers and have no intention of redoing the same mistakes and yet you see those who won the battle stumbling down to the same  level that my forefathers had. Where money and power are the only source of happiness. My heart battles with the whole irony of the situation. When you see a nation fight so long for freedom and peace, and then create a life of anger, hate and contempt. Are they really free? Is this what our whole lives are about. To fight so hard for freedom that when we achieve it we are empty vessels fuelled with nothing but hate. Who is free?


I will continue my battle each day to reach that stage when I can say that I really do not care anymore, but how hard it is when I see what pain and suffering the ego can create. The only thing that can destroy man is man himself. The ego will rule us till we destroy ourselves. We are in essence our own worst enemy and in the end we will destroy ourselves and everyone else. Who will be free then? Is freedom a state of mind or a price tag? Does it have a name or position in society? Is the essence of man really decided on how much money he can take from another? What kind of person sees himself above others? We are all one, one of the same light and essence, what you do unto others you do unto yourself. The great law of the universe says that what you put out comes back ten fold to you. So do you think that living a life of hate and contempt will bring you happiness. Is your life better now that you have ruined another life? But because we are only human we only learn from mistakes. Some take longer to learn and then there are those who will never understand. They wonder their whole life why me?



The Hatred of Ego

Oh Woe is thyself and thy ego!

Shall we never feel the warmth of the sun?

Shall we never feel freedom and peace?

From whence thy cometh?

Shall I never feel freedom till the end of my days, why does my ego create such pain?

My house shines in its glory, my maids fill my overflowing cup of gold.

My enemies are now my slaves. And yet, my heart is dark and emptiness is fuelled within.

Peace shall never follow my days but only pain and suffering.

Oh why do I not know who I AM?


What a sad world you live in ..

What a sad world you live in ..

I have not really anything concrete to write about today. Normally a subject just pops in my head and I ask family and friends questions about my topic. But today I am trying very hard to stay positive in my little world I have created not only for me but my family. I believe I do not go out to much as most people have generally nothing nice to say these days. They are always complaining. If I go on too much about this I might sound like I am complaining to. But have you noticed that generally everyone around you has something they are not happy about. It just never seems to get much better. The weathers too hot or too cold, not enough money, the country is run by thieves, there is no electricity (I live in South Africa), then theres no water, oh don’t forget the crime and your noisy neighbour who has no respect for everyone. My favourite is people who even make Facebook pages about the things they don’t like!  Talk about spreading negativity and bad karma! Wow! that a whopper! And you wonder why your life has so many downs and very few ups!


I seriously believe in karma and the law of the universe. What you put out is what you get back ten fold. Ever wondered why your FB page of negativity never brings you joy? Just pent up anger! Umm, we’ll… hello its not a happy place to begin with. I know certain things in this world can be very frustrating at times but is it really worth making yourself depressed and down about it. As much as load shedding and water shortages are frustrating you have to look at the bright side of it. People in rural areas don’t worry about this, because they don’t have such luxuries to begin with. And besides how much fun your children have at bath time when you tell them tonight you are swimming instead of bathing (theres no water!) lol, and then we will braai! I personally love to have quiet candle lit nights. The TV is off and everyone gets to talk to each other. And I get to pretend I live in an era when electricity doesn’t exist and I can fantasise about my vegetable garden that I probably will never grow because I procrastinate so much.


But seriously everyone, I think its time we started to look at the brighter side of life and not the dark side. These little interruptions in our life are not so bad, you will survive, you will all still have that Laptop of yours, the cellphone, designer label clothing and fast car, the fancy house paid on credit…lol…and you still don’t live on the street in winter -9C with no family or food! What could be worse? Ummm… waking up and feeling happy and positive? Are come on now, cheer up…happy is not so bad!